Dear Mexican: I’m so perplexed by my Mexican neighbor. For one, he already has four girls, and I just saw his wife, and it looks like she’s pregnant AGAIN! What really bothers me is that I live in an affordable-housing unit. The rent is cheap and based on our income…
Dear Mexican: Aunqué soy Boricua, mi corazón está al lado del pueblo mejicano, aquí en Arizona. ¿Porqué no hablas contra “La Bruja Mala del Oeste,” Gobernadora Jan Brewer; “El Leon Cobarde,” Ex-Senador Russell Pearce; “El Hombre Hecho de Lata,” Alguacil del Condado Maricopa Joe Arpaio; “El Hombre Hecho de Paja,” Abogado…
Dear Mexican: I’ve tried and failed to learn the Spanish language for the last two years. During high school and college, I took both Spanish I and Spanish II, but nothing really stuck with me. Last year, I visited a Spanish-speaking church to help immerse myself in the language, but…
Dear Mexican: This question was inspired by the recent video you did on the Republicanos and the Latina/o vote. What’s your opinion of Cuban-American and Tea Party cariñito Marco Rubio? All this talk about him being the “Hispanic” savior of the Republican Party by being the vice-presidential nominee is getting…
Dear Mexican: Six generations of my family have been born and raised in Brownsville, Texas. Everyone speaks Spanish most of the time. Right now, almost every Republican in the state is trying to get redistricting to the finish line to cut out the bumper crop of Mexican-American candidates from coming…
Dear Mexican: My cousin put a picture on Facebook that said, “I will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country.” He’s Mexican-American. Our family is from La Luz, Zacatecas, and its surrounding villages. His dad (my uncle) was born here in El Paso,…
Dear Mexican: It’s so sad to see your wimpy answers. Your replies scream self-hatred and self-shame for your raza. You’re pathetic! No plan or desire to fix Mexico’s problems. You’re a puto with no huevos. My DREAM Act would be that you Mexicans would stop groveling to gringos, and scream…
Dear Readers: I usually save reruns of my columna for when I have to smuggle in the latest cousin from the rancho, but given the ascendancy of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, one issue must be addressed — namely, that he’s half-Mexican. The lamestream media is treating this as a…
Dear Mexican: How come Mexicans don’t perform in the Winter Olympics? What, no talent? Or are Mexicans afraid of snow? I’m thinking both. Also, Mexicans don’t do too well in the Summer Olympics, either — they even suck in soccer. There is plenty of snow in Mexico, so don’t use…
Dear Mexican: In my home town of Playa Larga (Long Beach, California), natives refer to a major avenida in our villa, Junipero Avenue (named for Father Junípero Serra, accused native genocider, a candidate for sainthood — but I digress), as Juan-a-pear-o. There is no “Juan” in Junipero, but that’s how…
Dear Readers: Here’s a look back at some of the best questions of the year. Dear Mexican: Thirteen years old, and I’m jacking off, not knowing I left the bathroom door ajar. Just as I blasted onto the shower curtain, my mom walked in. Aghast, she shouted, “¡Cochino, te vas…
Dear Readers: In between your fifteenth tamale and sixth spiked cup of ponche, you’re going to have to buy regalos for Christmas or whatever pinche holiday you celebrate. Okay, you don’t have to, but you should, to support all those great indie businesses suffering during this Great Recession. Behold, then,…
Dear Mexican: This is the second rant I’ve felt I had to send to you. I don’t know if readers are allowed “seconds,” but here it goes. Much has been said about the terrible things happening to the United States and its citizens by the Mexican drug cartels. But what’s…
Dear Mexican: I read in your book that Mexico is due for a revolution about every hundred years or so. The last one was in the first part of the twentieth century, and you said they are about ready for another one. Do you think the drug war presently being…
Dear Mexican: Having been called a “gabacho” by “Mexicans” much lighter than I and “wetback” by those whose parents (or who themselves) crossed several rivers as they migrated to California, I’m curious as to which group you believe I should hold in the greatest disdain. While Anglo wetbacks are much…
Dear Mexican: GOP senator Mel Martinez authored a decent compromise bill to resolve the growing illegal-immigration problem in the United States. He broke up the group of eleven million illegals into three classes, depending on the amount of time that they were in the country. Those in the United States…
Dear Mexican: Why is Mexico such a dump? Just to name a few of the problems: stray dogs running all over the place, piles of trash burning in the street, blown-out tires hanging from cactus by the side of the road, shredded plastic shopping bags plastering every fence in sight,…
Dear Mexican: I am an Anglo intruder in New Mexico. When I moved to Albuquerque from Virginia, I fell in love with Mexican culture. I was impressed at what I called “Southwestern hospitality.” I have had so many second dinners when I go to people’s homes that I gained a…
Dear Mexican: These days, using the word “nigger” is considered so offensive that, in its place, we now use the term “N-word.” Of course, never mind that African-Americans use it among themselves as a term of endearment, pero esa es una historia para otro dia. Sin embargo, it raises a…
Dear Mexican: There’s something I’m concerned about, or bothered by. I was born and raised in Mexico, but I’ve been here for eight years. All the talk about 9/11 is too much, because every single year brings a rehash of the tragedy. I really think that remembering the event for…
Dear Mexican: Really? You answered “When Should You Use Usted Instead of Tú?” recently over my “Why Won’t My Gardener Fuck Me Again If I Demand an HIV Test?” Any sad gabacho can Google for grammar tips (no offense to Yo Quiero Hablar). Meanwhile, we clueless gabachas need to know how…
Dear Readers: The Mexican doesn’t want to take this week off, but has to because it’s his mother periódico’s Best Of issue, and the Mexican is tasked with eating a thousand tacos in the search for the best one in Orange County. I’ll return next week, more panzón than ever…
