Audio By Carbonatix
In real life, Santa is jolly. But on Twitter, he can be an a#$hole.
There are dozens of fake Santa Twitter accounts. While some of them are earnest — like this tweet from @NorthPolePost: “Ho ho ho! What a busy few days. First chance to put my feet up in a while! Thought I’d see what you’re all doing while I drink a cup of tea!” — many of them are not. Here are the top ten tweets from jerky Santas.
That commercial is full of shit.I may be drunk off my jolly ass, and I am.But I would NEVER endorse jewelry from Kay’s.#NEVER
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— Drunk Santa (@RealDrunkSanta) December 5, 2011
When a kid first gets on my knee there’s always that moment of sheer terror in their eyes. That’s when I ask if they have any money on them..— Drunk Mall Santa (@MallSanta69)December 18, 2011
Time to start giving Rudolph and the boys their magic COCAINE pixie dust. They’ll be OFFTHEIRTITS flying in no time!! Much love, SCx
— Father Christmas (@TourettesSanta) December 15, 2011advertisementadvertisement
So many people want Justin Bieber for Christmas..— Santa (@TheSantaCIaus) December 9, 2011
Jesus doesn’t do shit for my birthday.
— Santa Claus (@TheOldSaintNick) December 8, 2011advertisement
Fa-La-La-La-La-lellatio.— Kris Kringle (@Santa_St_Claus) December 18, 2011
I named Dancer, Prancer, Cupid, & Vixen after strippers I met in Vegas.
— Kris Kringle (@Santa_St_Claus) December 19, 2011advertisementadvertisement
Long story but whoever asked for a DeLonghi coffee maker- I just had to piss in it. Don’t worry, I’ll give it a rinse before wrapping. Ta.— Father Christmas (@XmasDad) December 16, 2011
Kids – please stop asking for your parents to get back together for Christmas. You will get Let’s Rock Elmo and like it.
— Santa Claus (@TheOldSaintNick) November 18, 2011advertisement
The top of these kid’s heads smell like Appletinis.Can’t wait to get off work and hit Bennigans.— Drunk Mall Santa (@MallSanta69) December 1, 2011
More from our Lists & Weirdness archives: “Top 10 White Elephant Christmas gifts of 2011.”
